Dreams

The other night a friend posted a question to my husband about his dreams and to envision it. Well I have been thinking about this all weekend. My husband can not express his dreams, because he will not allow himself to dream. We have been taught that you know that you can not have it so don't dream about it and then you will not be disappointed.

I can see that point. I used to have so many dreams and now I just focus on the day to day tasks. My life is comfortable. I stay busy with the horse sand cows and chickens and dogs and day to day tasks at teh farm. Then the kids and all of their business and games. My husbands crazy schedule and then my paying job.

When was the last time that I dreamed???????????????????

Did I see myself in this position 5 years ago? No I did not. I honestly never thought I would marry again or be a step-mom. I never thought I would be working in this same job for 10 years now.

What are my dreams? I truly wish that I could make an impact on society and do something for the kids that are out there that are lost. They have been caught up in the drug world, their parents don't care, teachers don't care, and they seem as if they have nothing. I want to show them that there is a way and that people do care.

I do not feel important in the big realm of things, but I know that I can make someone feel important and if I can show a young teenager the way to be a sucess and not follow the wrong path, then I can not imagine a better feeling.

My husband has been in law enforcement so long and has had to fight his way up for so long, that I think he has lost all compassion. I wish I could help him find that and I think that he could be happy with the simple things in day to day adventures.

We are so stressed and pushed to make appointments and pay bills and keep everything rolling smoothly, that we forget that we are very blessed. We have so much and yet we have no serenity or peace. We fail to show the people around us that we love them so much .

I feel like I must challenge myself to step up. Step up and do what I am not sure but I will work on that. Am I important? YES. Do I know why I am important or what am I supposed to do with my life? NO

Smile

Lately I have been reflecting on relationships again. They fascinate and puzzle me. I have had some issues with my older stepchildren and their mother. Part of it is them growing up, but the other part is thier mother not letting them make their own choices. Do I believe in giving them a free rein? ABSOLUTLY NOT! Do I believe in giving them a little slack? YES AND WHEN IT IS TIME TO PULL BACK, WE WILL.

I have learned the hard way, that no matter how much I love them and no matter what I do, I can never expet the same from them. I guess in the back of my mind, I thought that they loved me. They like me, but I am just another person to them.

I try to give them all they deserve, but their mother does not want them around their dad and she causes so much trouble that it ends becoming ugly.

I look at my friends relationsships. I have a friend that has been dating her significant oter for 2 years and she is so ready to get married. They are both Catholic and observe those ways. She is so ready and he just keeps on hanging back. He has yet to go through with his divorce through the Catholic church and she feels like it will never happen.

I have another friend who is just begging for a friendship even though he knows that he can not have more, bu the other person does not want that friendship with him, because of the implications that they are worried about. Will it be taken in the wrong context?

I have another friend, who has sworn off guys, because of all the bad luck she has had.

I love my husband an I could not ask for a better man to be involved with. He has issues and taking on the 4 stepchildren has been daunting, but yet, I need him in my life, I can not imagine going through life without him there. We work so well together and I wish that we could quit work and do nothing but run the farm, raise horses, cows and hay and of course, my chickens. They are so great. Everyone should have a chicken or two.

My husband is going somewhere tonight and he is taking 2 of the kids, while I stay home with the one that is sick and I feel as if I have lost a special piece. because he isn't with me. Hmmmmmm....

I love to sit at the mall, or the airport and watch people interact with each other. People are so caught up in today's problems, that they forget the simple nicities. When was the last time someone said hello or you look nice or thank you, just because they felt like it?

I challenge you to try being nice and smiling at everyone you meet that day and see what happens.

Thankfulness

Someone prompted me to think about what we are thankful for and I have been thinking on it for a while.

I am so thankful for my husband, especially when he comes home safe from being on duty as law enforcement.

I am so thankful for his children, now my step children. They are great kids and they teach me and I hope that I am a positive influence to them.

I am so thankful for my parents and in-laws and my brother.

I am so thankful for the genuine friends that are in my life.

I am thankful for my health and my families health.

I am thankful for the home over my head, the vehicle that we drive, the job that I hold, the animals I have, the clothes on my back, the life that I lead.

We get so bogged down in debt and life that we fail to see how good we have it. People in other countries are lucky if they get a meal that day or have an extra shirt to put on. We are a very spoiled society. We have so many privileges. Our lives are so full of promise and we have many avenues that we can follow. Be thankful!

Simple Pleasures

Day to day we go through the motions and we get so caught up in everything that deal with our lives that we have a tendency to forget about the simple pleasures.

I never get to ride horses as often as I would like anymore, because everything else takes precedence. The other day I took 4 teenagers and a 3 yo riding and we had a lot of fun, but it was so nice to sit on the horse, feel the wind and look out across the fields. Granted I had a three year old riding with me that can hold a conversation with a brick wall and make it entertaining, but what was fun was seeing it through her eyes. We rode past a pond and she got all excited because she saw turtles. She really didn't (they were actually sticks, poking up) but oh was she excited. We saw some deer and she thought they were beautiful and then we rode by the river and she was fascinated to see the water rolling by. Sometimes I wish we could all see that way.

The economy has really fallen down and we have been hit really hard by some bad decisions in the past that we are paying for and last week it really got to me and I was very snappy and very unhappy. I took it out on my husband and we had several intense discussions. I hate it but I feel like I am doing this all alone and that I am struggling and instead of getting ahead. I am falling farther and farther behind.

Every night I pray that the kids and my husband and my family are all kept safe. That I can provide them with all that they need and that we are so thankful for what we have, because we are better off than a lot of people.

We always talk about winning the lottery and what would we do with the money. I would love to pay off my debts and build a house big enough for the kids and build a barn for the horses and then I would invest the rest and open up a juvenile help farm. What would you do? Where would you do good? I want to help so many and I think that I get so down because I am better off thatn alot of people, but I still can't help them.

I have limited friends and a ton of aquaitances. I have a trust issue. I have been burned so many times, that I do not trust just anyone. I can count on my hand all the special people in my life and I would not trade it for the world. Keep your friends near and your enemies closer. I wish that I could solve everyones problems and make it all ok, but alas I can not. The best word of advice that I can someone is to saty strong, love themselves and don't look and wait but let that someone special come into your life and surprise you.

Life's Complications

I usually do not let things get me down and depressed. Most of the time I can find a positive in a haystack of negatives, but lately, even that has become difficult. Money is tough on everyone and it seems that every time you try to get ahead, you get knocked back. We are in some financial stressors and all I can do is try to keep our heads above water and make the Holidays good for the kids.



There is not a more important time of the year then now for family and friends to forget their problems and come together. If we do not have the people that are and have become important in lives now, then what do we have? Christmas is not about the biggest gift or who out did who, but that is what it has become. When did we forget each other and the love that we share and that Christ was born and here is for all of us. We must gather courage, turn our problems over to God and share with each other.



Wayne and I had a fight for the past two days and it all boils down to that we are extremely stressed. Our stress level has caused our anger level to rise and unfortunately we have used it against each other.

Another stressor has been at work. The higher powers have said that there will be no prayer said at luncheons or supper and that we are not allowed to decorate with anything religious. Now last time I checked, Christmas was about the birth of Christ our Lord. I am not a very religious person. At this time I do not attend church because I have not found one that I am happy with in my community. I am amazed at the hostility that can be brought about by religion and two people that were friends, will no longer speak to each other because they have a difference of religion.

I do have to say that I started this blog before Thanksgiving and now I am finishing it after Thanksgiving. My parents, brother and grandfather came to my house for Thanksgiving, which is a big deal, because we are all scattered in different states. They have never stayed at my house for more than 24 hours and they stayned 4 days and it was great. I really miss my mother when she is not around. There is so much that we could do together and talk about and we talk on the phone about 3 times a week, but it just is not the same. I am so thankful for my family and friends. The little things make the world a special place.

I look at everyone and we all have our problems and issues going on, but we must lean on each other for support. I have a friend that does want any help and I can completly understand, because I am normally the same way, but I am learning. I keep telling him to let us bear some of the burden. Let us care for the critters. Let us help out with elderly parents. He must remember to take time for himself to, before things fall apart. I always thought that asking for help was a sign of weakness, but it is not, it is a sign of strength in numbers.

Be thankful for all that we have, because not everyone is as blessed.

Significant Others

I recently posted a picture of my husband and I and we were at Tallulah Gorge in Georgia. We went down to Georgia to visit my mother and grandfather and to get our certification in scuba diving and we suceeded. YEAH!!!!!!!!

My husband and I do not get to spend much time together, so we now had a whole week together with no kids. WOW!!! We always have agood time together and we work well together. This little vacation got me to think about relationships now and in the past. I won't give any gory details, but I find them fascinating.

I grew up in a household with a mother and father, they married at 19 and are still together for 34 years. My mother was a stay at home and my father traveled all over the US with his job. So in all, he was probaly home a 100 days out of the year. My father still travels with work and that relationship seems to work well with them. Mom and Dad love to seee each other on the weekends and then they are on their own. now do not get me wrong they had their ups and downs. Do you know someone like that?

Take my mother's parents - My grandparents got married at the age of 17, had 2 children and worked together in the same office for 50 years. They then retired and did everything together. My grandmother never got her drivers license. So when my grandmother developed cancer and passed it away, it was devastating on all of us, but it just about killed my grandfather. He had lost his everything. My granfather is only 74 and in good health, so he could meet women, but I do not think that he will ever develop more than friendship, because Grandma was his one and only. Do you know someone like that?

My husband and I met 3 years ago this January and it was a 2nd marriage for both of us. It was rough intially. We met because he was the cop that came to my house after an ex-boyfriend had strangled and beat me. We started seeing each other a month later and we were married in 9 months. His previous marriage had been over for about 11 years and he had a set of twin girls from that marriage (15 years old now) but he had dated a girl for about 3 months, they broke up and then 6 months later they met at a party and a little this and a little that and then she came to him two months later and said that she was pregnant. He moved her in so that she would have a good roof over her shoulders and he wanted to be there for the babies. She had twins, a boy and a girl. So when Wayne and I met, she was still living there, but he said that there was no relationship, he just wanted to provide for the children, plus it was cheaper than having to pay child support. Well lets just say that mine and her's relationship was rough from the start. Now we all get along great, but it wasn't easy.

Wayne and I work really well together and when we are apart alot and do not see each other, we actually fight more. When we are together we are very happy. Now my past relationships were not like that. I was extremely independent and I would see the guy I was dating when I wanted to and it usually boiled down to one or twice a week. Funny how we change...

I look at his parents and they have a lousy relationship. They do not share a bed, they sleep in seperate rooms and they are very negative to each other. Nothing ever nice, but this is how they work together. Do you know someone like that?

Divorce is never easy on anyone. The married people, the children and even friends, it is always hard to deal with. My first marriage was bad, actually it should never have happened, but I learned a lot. I learned about what I wanted and how I wanted to be treated and I was never ging to settle for less. Now everybody thought that I would never get married again, even me, but when my husband and I met it was like we fit together and that we were to each other that part that had been missing out of our lives. Do you know someone like that?

I have a friend that has been married several times. She always picks out the men that treat her really bad. They drink, they beat on her, they manipulate her. I asked her one time, why does she settle for that, when she could do so much better and her reply was that she did not think she deserved better. Do you know someone like that?

I watch teenagers all the time get married because they got pregnant and it is the right thing to do and in actuality it is the wrong thing to do. It is easier to jump into someone's bed and have a romp , then to make a relationship grow together when you are suddenly faced with a child, jobs and bills.

I tell my stepchildren all the time, that they must love themselves before they can love someone else and that they must now each other before they committ. Now I must state that I do believe someone ahould live with their significant other before they consider marriage, because a lot of little interesting things can come out...
I look at relationships all around me and I love to hear how they work, the pros and cons. Why do we settle, why do we strive for the material things, when all that matters is our family, love and truth. Did they get together for love or for money or for the prestige or because they got pregnant or because they are not ready to admit they are homosexual?

I challenge you to look at your relationship and others around you??? Can you learn something from someone else? Can you help them through something?

The key to ALL relationships is COMMUNICATION!!! You must talk to one each other. I am not a mind reader and neither are you.

Teenagers

My husband has two wonderful teenage girls and they are stuck right in the middle "of are they an adult or still a youngster". I would hate to be a teenager right now. The world is so full of uncertainity and they are growing up with so many bad things to tempt them. They know so much about drugs and so much about sex and life. I did not know half the stuff until I was in my mid 20's. I try to be there for them as best as I can. I try to relate what went on my life when I was there age. I explained to them about my rape when I was 13 and about the things I see working in public health and the things I see as an EMT.

I guess the part that has me really worried, is the fact that one of the girls has completly shut us out. She will not come to the house or talk to us. She has always been the daddy's girl and yet now she has shut the door on us. Her sister is very open with us and I feel like we have a good relationship, I thought that we all had a goodrelationship.

About 10 minutes ago, B called her dad and said that she had decided to come up. More than likely what happened is that her mom gave her a guilt trip. B says that she is only coming for one day and that we need to take her home on Sat. I love to see them but with gas the way it is , you just can not go running around constantly.

I guess it is a win and lose situation. I look at other people who have teenagers and some of those are completly out of control, so I thank God that the girls are not like that. My husband has been told several times by his ex wife that he is nothing a but a sperm donor and child support payee. That hurts his feelings, because they are his daughters but yet they are not. The child support system is crazy and very hard to deal with. I understand why some men just go into hiding, because it is so hard to pay. I hate that they abandon their children.

But our children are very spoiled in this day and time. I am not that old and I did not have half the stuff that they do. I had to buy my first car and I got a cell phone when I was 21, which I bought. Kids today think that it is all supposed to be handed to them.

Each and every day we must be extremely thankful for what we have, because at any point in time it could be taken away from us. All we truly need is a roof over our heads, food to eat, our health and our family. I often think that if we had things taken away from us as a society and we had to learn to act like the people did in the earlier years of the 1500's and such. How would society be today? My huge concern is the way the economy is now we may see a Depression tthat will make the Depression of the 20's look like a vacation.