Dreams

The other night a friend posted a question to my husband about his dreams and to envision it. Well I have been thinking about this all weekend. My husband can not express his dreams, because he will not allow himself to dream. We have been taught that you know that you can not have it so don't dream about it and then you will not be disappointed.

I can see that point. I used to have so many dreams and now I just focus on the day to day tasks. My life is comfortable. I stay busy with the horse sand cows and chickens and dogs and day to day tasks at teh farm. Then the kids and all of their business and games. My husbands crazy schedule and then my paying job.

When was the last time that I dreamed???????????????????

Did I see myself in this position 5 years ago? No I did not. I honestly never thought I would marry again or be a step-mom. I never thought I would be working in this same job for 10 years now.

What are my dreams? I truly wish that I could make an impact on society and do something for the kids that are out there that are lost. They have been caught up in the drug world, their parents don't care, teachers don't care, and they seem as if they have nothing. I want to show them that there is a way and that people do care.

I do not feel important in the big realm of things, but I know that I can make someone feel important and if I can show a young teenager the way to be a sucess and not follow the wrong path, then I can not imagine a better feeling.

My husband has been in law enforcement so long and has had to fight his way up for so long, that I think he has lost all compassion. I wish I could help him find that and I think that he could be happy with the simple things in day to day adventures.

We are so stressed and pushed to make appointments and pay bills and keep everything rolling smoothly, that we forget that we are very blessed. We have so much and yet we have no serenity or peace. We fail to show the people around us that we love them so much .

I feel like I must challenge myself to step up. Step up and do what I am not sure but I will work on that. Am I important? YES. Do I know why I am important or what am I supposed to do with my life? NO

Smile

Lately I have been reflecting on relationships again. They fascinate and puzzle me. I have had some issues with my older stepchildren and their mother. Part of it is them growing up, but the other part is thier mother not letting them make their own choices. Do I believe in giving them a free rein? ABSOLUTLY NOT! Do I believe in giving them a little slack? YES AND WHEN IT IS TIME TO PULL BACK, WE WILL.

I have learned the hard way, that no matter how much I love them and no matter what I do, I can never expet the same from them. I guess in the back of my mind, I thought that they loved me. They like me, but I am just another person to them.

I try to give them all they deserve, but their mother does not want them around their dad and she causes so much trouble that it ends becoming ugly.

I look at my friends relationsships. I have a friend that has been dating her significant oter for 2 years and she is so ready to get married. They are both Catholic and observe those ways. She is so ready and he just keeps on hanging back. He has yet to go through with his divorce through the Catholic church and she feels like it will never happen.

I have another friend who is just begging for a friendship even though he knows that he can not have more, bu the other person does not want that friendship with him, because of the implications that they are worried about. Will it be taken in the wrong context?

I have another friend, who has sworn off guys, because of all the bad luck she has had.

I love my husband an I could not ask for a better man to be involved with. He has issues and taking on the 4 stepchildren has been daunting, but yet, I need him in my life, I can not imagine going through life without him there. We work so well together and I wish that we could quit work and do nothing but run the farm, raise horses, cows and hay and of course, my chickens. They are so great. Everyone should have a chicken or two.

My husband is going somewhere tonight and he is taking 2 of the kids, while I stay home with the one that is sick and I feel as if I have lost a special piece. because he isn't with me. Hmmmmmm....

I love to sit at the mall, or the airport and watch people interact with each other. People are so caught up in today's problems, that they forget the simple nicities. When was the last time someone said hello or you look nice or thank you, just because they felt like it?

I challenge you to try being nice and smiling at everyone you meet that day and see what happens.

Thankfulness

Someone prompted me to think about what we are thankful for and I have been thinking on it for a while.

I am so thankful for my husband, especially when he comes home safe from being on duty as law enforcement.

I am so thankful for his children, now my step children. They are great kids and they teach me and I hope that I am a positive influence to them.

I am so thankful for my parents and in-laws and my brother.

I am so thankful for the genuine friends that are in my life.

I am thankful for my health and my families health.

I am thankful for the home over my head, the vehicle that we drive, the job that I hold, the animals I have, the clothes on my back, the life that I lead.

We get so bogged down in debt and life that we fail to see how good we have it. People in other countries are lucky if they get a meal that day or have an extra shirt to put on. We are a very spoiled society. We have so many privileges. Our lives are so full of promise and we have many avenues that we can follow. Be thankful!

Simple Pleasures

Day to day we go through the motions and we get so caught up in everything that deal with our lives that we have a tendency to forget about the simple pleasures.

I never get to ride horses as often as I would like anymore, because everything else takes precedence. The other day I took 4 teenagers and a 3 yo riding and we had a lot of fun, but it was so nice to sit on the horse, feel the wind and look out across the fields. Granted I had a three year old riding with me that can hold a conversation with a brick wall and make it entertaining, but what was fun was seeing it through her eyes. We rode past a pond and she got all excited because she saw turtles. She really didn't (they were actually sticks, poking up) but oh was she excited. We saw some deer and she thought they were beautiful and then we rode by the river and she was fascinated to see the water rolling by. Sometimes I wish we could all see that way.

The economy has really fallen down and we have been hit really hard by some bad decisions in the past that we are paying for and last week it really got to me and I was very snappy and very unhappy. I took it out on my husband and we had several intense discussions. I hate it but I feel like I am doing this all alone and that I am struggling and instead of getting ahead. I am falling farther and farther behind.

Every night I pray that the kids and my husband and my family are all kept safe. That I can provide them with all that they need and that we are so thankful for what we have, because we are better off than a lot of people.

We always talk about winning the lottery and what would we do with the money. I would love to pay off my debts and build a house big enough for the kids and build a barn for the horses and then I would invest the rest and open up a juvenile help farm. What would you do? Where would you do good? I want to help so many and I think that I get so down because I am better off thatn alot of people, but I still can't help them.

I have limited friends and a ton of aquaitances. I have a trust issue. I have been burned so many times, that I do not trust just anyone. I can count on my hand all the special people in my life and I would not trade it for the world. Keep your friends near and your enemies closer. I wish that I could solve everyones problems and make it all ok, but alas I can not. The best word of advice that I can someone is to saty strong, love themselves and don't look and wait but let that someone special come into your life and surprise you.